Nice Jacket Dickhead

by Petrol Bastard

supported by
Joe Sanderson
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Joe Sanderson Spectacular anthems for alleys in Yorkshire towns, running with piss and old kebabs- or half of my nights out. Also excellent driving music. Shite of the highest calibre
Dokka Chapman
Dokka Chapman thumbnail
Dokka Chapman This is the bands' new anthem, fucking love the dirtiness of it.... In fact, Batley should use it to advertise their city as before this song I'd never heard of it lol Favorite track: If you die in Batley do you die in real life?.
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17.

credits

released August 21, 2014

Written/ produced/ mixed by Petrol Bastard at Bastard Studios Leeds
Vocals written and performed by Petrol Bastard except spoken parts of track 9 performed by Jason Doghouse.
Mastered by Johnny Ultraviolence (www.ultraviolence.co)
Cover photo by Jen Rawson copyright 2013. Text by Petrol Bastard.

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Petrol Bastard Leeds, UK

Twatty UK techno-punk bullshit!

Bookings: petrolbastard@gmail.com

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Track Name: Blast It With Piss
1. Blast It With Piss

I'm going to jizz on everyone
I'm going to cum on everything

Alt Fest is cancelled
My mum is a idiot
My pie has gone cold
Kwik Save's gone bankrupt

My pants are on backwards
A horse bit my tit off
Rik Mayall's dead
My dog ate my meth
Track Name: I Want A Woman Who's A Total Bastard
2. I Want a Woman Who's a Total Bastard

I want a woman who's a total bastard
Call me names and treat me like shit
And refuse to help me with my maths homework
Flick my balls and the tip of my dick

I want a woman who's a violent nobhead
Scratch my CDs and make me cry
I want a woman who will steal my inhaler
And have a cup of tea and watch me die

I want a woman who's a proper spastic
Gets her tits out on the bus
Has a violent addiction to chainsaws
Gets drunk before she drives her car
Track Name: Is It Ok To Fall In Love With A Racist?
3. Is It Okay To Fall In Love With A Racist?

Is it okay to fall in love with a racist?
Is it okay as long as I don't share her views?
I'm seriously thinking about running away with a racist
She's got questionable morals but also wicked boobs
Track Name: I Spent My Rent Money On Tentacle Porn
4. I Spent My Rent Money On Tentacle Porn

I spent my rent money on tentacle porn
Track Name: 5. Fred Foster's Broken Fridge
5. Fred Foster's Broken Fridge

What's that smell? It's fucking rotten meat
I only had these cunts done just last fucking week
This isn't even mine, I'm paid to keep it safe
I fucking need a drink, I'm fucking losing face

What the fuck is happening Frederick?
What's happened to the meat?

Fuck it all and go out for a drink
Help to pull you backwards from that brink

8 pints and a fucking Navy Rum, I'm only halfway through a fucking 3 day run
This is the way I cope, I've got this drinker's gene
I'll show them cunts who's boss, I'm a fucking machine

What the fuck is happening Frederick?
What's happened to the meat?

Fuck it all and go out for a drink
Help to pull you backwards from that brink
Fucking hell that meat's starting to stink
Fuck it all and go out for a drink

3 days down and 3 litres of rum
My bones are feeling cold, my body's going numb
The Salvation Army please come and rescue me
The Salvation Army please come and rescue me
Track Name: Fly A Plane Into A Londis
6. Fly A Plane Into A Londis

Some fat cunt with piles of revenge porn
And chemically linked up sputum and Vimto
There's fields and fields of damaged vaginas
My internet history is totally fucked

I need more time
You're the perfect example
I need more cash
My body's a temple
I need some fucking turbo machine guns
Let's take some drugs and smash up a shop

I drank a fucking case of pop
And stole a fucking aeroplane
Tried to crash into some shops
But landed in the fucking sea
Track Name: Swan Shit On Mah Dik
8. Swan Shit On Mah Dik

Swan shit on Mah Dik
Swan shit on Mah Dik
That's right bitch
I've got Swan shit on Mah Dik

[secret badboy gangsta ninja rapping]
Track Name: If you die in Batley do you die in real life?
9. If you die in Batley do you die in real life?

Petrol Bastard bringing you a tale of immortality and morality from the streets of... Batley

Dragging the streets with a belly full of glass
There's nowhere to go we set cars on fire
Bred like a kaiju a proper fucking lad
Fucking work in the street, fucking live in the shadows

Medic
If you die in Batley do you die in real life?
Street Sweeper
If you die in Batley do you die in real life?
We're a union of stink
If you die in Batley do you die in real life?
And KFC wrappers
If you die in Batley do you die in real life?

Right lads, it's time to focus. Time to look forward and fuck all that shite. We reside in a secret bunker, a lab built beneath Batley's Tesco superstore. It's where I brought you when I first found you. You were aborted foetuses, stolen from the medical bins, I nurtured you, developed you, you became the evil twins
Street sweeper, sweep the streets

Fired up on speed and a glass of Buckfast
Have a Happy Meal then we smash the place up
See my brother's a psycho, a proper fucking lad
I stab people called Gavin, people called Gavin

If you die in Batley you don't die in real life boys
You were dead when I found you, you can't die twice boys
Track Name: Fiat Multipla
10. Fiat Multipla

Smash down empty vodka bottles
Stagger to my feet
Stagger across the pavement
Everything is fucking spinning
And moving in orange and black and blue
Stood at the filthy fucking rusting gates of a massive fucking scrap yard
There's only forward
Take another drink
Step inside

What was I meant to do?
There was nothing on the telly
I smashed up a Fiat Multipla
With fire in my belly

Pools of brake fluid, old motor oil
Stagger past an old Cosworth body shell
Fucking mega mate
Pulse is racing
Drink another
Pull out that fucking crowbar man
I need a fucking alternator
Drop to my fucking knees
What's that fucking smell?
What's that fucking smell?
What's that fucking sound?

Slowly I fucking look up
And start to focus on something looking at me
HELL IS SCREAMING THROUGH MY VEINS
I only came here for a fucking alternator mate
What the fuck

This beast is fucking ugly
I'm not taking this very well
My ventricles are fucking firing
And I raise my crowbar to the sky
And I stare that ugly motherfucking Fiat Multipla right in the fucking eye

And then I woke up in a scrap yard
In a puddle of puke
With a crowbar rammed up my bottom
Track Name: What The Fuck Was In That Pill?
11. What the fuck was in that pill?

What the fuck was in that pill man?
My brain's all fucked and my head's all spinning
What the fuck was in that pill man?
Danced all night tried to fuck a pigeon
What the fuck was in that pill man?
Got fucked up, tried to fight a bin man
What the fuck was in that pill man?
Let's do another pill man, let's do another pill
Track Name: Angry Cum Man
12. Angry Cum Man

I am the angry cum man, I come from far away
And I can cum
What can you cum?
I can cum syringes
Track Name: White Star Adventuraaar
13. White Star Adventuraaar

Fucking Matt Trakker's doing well in his banking job
I fucking love getting twatted on pints of booze
Got pissed up and destroyed my car, I am a White Star adventuraaar
Fucking take it a bit too far, I am a White Star adventuraaar
Smash through the windows in case of emergency
Nothing else matters when you're totally twatted
Track Name: Beefy Grandad
14. Beefy Grandad

I mic'd up my granddad to get a fat bassline
What's that? Beefy! What's that? Beefy!
I ramped up the wheelchair ramped up the volume
What's that? Beefy! What's that? Beefy!

I mic'd up my grandad to get a fat bassline
The zimmer is a winner when my nana's on kali
I ramped up the wheelchair, ramped up the volume
My grandad's pissed in his Batman costume

Get up and dance you beefy grandad
Bust a dance move, bust your piss bag
Get up and dance you beefy grandad
See a strobe light, have a flashback
Track Name: Bunch Of Fuckers
15. Bunch Of Fuckers

We sat and watched the sun go down
You bunch of fuckers
We sat and watched the sun go down
You bunch of cunts
We sat and shared a cigarette
You bunch of fuckers
And talked about pre-Raphaelites
You bunch of cunts

Ain't no party like a Petrol Bastard party
When the sun's going down, everybody's coming up